


Unwanted Affection

by kiyooomii



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Doctor! Shirabu, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, Haikyuu!! Manga Spoilers, How Do I Tag, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, Hurts So Good, Iwaizumi Hajime Is So Done, Kageyama is here too, M/M, Mutual Pining, Near Death Experiences, POV Hinata Shouyou, Pining, Pro Volleyball Player Hinata Shouyou, Pro Volleyball Player Sakusa Kiyoomi, Star tear disease AU, Unrequited Love, but only for a second, but you gotta squint to tell, its been too long since ive posted, like seriously guys this is so blown out of proportion, star tear disease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:21:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25845742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiyooomii/pseuds/kiyooomii
Summary: If the sun's persistence were to be condensed into a physical form, many believed that it would be Hinata Shoyo. With fiery hair and blazing eyes, he was someone who could manifest nearly anything he wanted into existence through the sheer force of his will. Nonetheless some forces of nature were unyielding even when put against the famous Hinata Shoyo. Iridescent tears streamed down his cheeks, staining his shirt with colors vivid enough to make the world's best artists jealous. For it was the mere existence of these tears that proved Hinata couldn't control everything the way he so wished.Since unrequited love is something even the luckiest people couldn't completely get rid of.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 7
Kudos: 170





	Unwanted Affection

**Author's Note:**

> hello!! your favorite ceo of sakuhina isn't actually dead! had some crazy writer's block but I'm kind of out of it now! sadly im kinda rusty so im not really satisfied with how this came out ^^;; its a shame that I didnt do this idea justice but I hope someone reads this and writes their own star tear disease au! :)

When it first started to develop Hinata Shoyo didn't think there was anything wrong with him. At first, his eyes were just slightly itchy but Hinata brushed it off as allergies.

(Which was foolish because he never suffered from allergies in his entire life.)

Eventually, this itchiness reached a point where Hinata was noticeably rubbing his eyes during practice though he brushed off the concerns of his teammates easily.

"You should get your eyes checked! It'll be bad if you have to get glasses because you might fall asleep in them like Akaashi does all the time. Within the last few months, he's already gone through three pairs!" Bokuto warned him seriously.

The life of a mangaka's assistant sounded stressful if Akaashi was tired enough to fall asleep in his glasses all the time. Atsumu only snorted as he shoved his sweaty shirt into his locker.

"I don't think Sho-kun's eyesight is gonna get that bad. This is probably nothing serious."

The banter that flew around the locker room as Hinata and his teammates wound down from practice relaxed him. Since he cared deeply for his health, Hinata was concerned that his eyes seemed to be acting up. His entire volleyball career was centered around his health, after all.

Sakusa, already dressed and closing his locker, glanced in Hinata's direction. "Using lubricating eye drops can help moisten dry eyes and wash out allergies."

The advice the black-haired man offered was simple but Hinata was touched anyway. It felt nice having Sakusa direct his attention towards him. Regardless of how brief that attention was.

"Aw, you do care, Omi-kun!" Atsumu, still shirtless, attempted to pat Sakusa on the shoulder but the other man quickly flinched away.

"Touch me with your sweaty hands and you won't live to play another game."

The setter clutched his heart in mock shock and gasped. "I'm hardly even sweaty anymore!" But Sakusa merely rolled his eyes before walking away, clearly tired of their setter.

Hinata meant to thank him for the advice, he did! It wasn't his fault that his words died in his throat when Sakusa ran a hand through his hair as he walked out the door. Shaking his head softly, Hinata uttered a goodbye before taking his leave as well.

»»————- ✼ ————-««

"Thank you for your purchase, sir!" cheerily said the cashier of the convenience store as they rang up Hinata's purchase.

He nodded at them and grabbed his bag while insistently rubbing his left eye. Hinata had decided to take Sakusa's advice about the eye drops. As he walked home, his mind wandered to how he felt when he received advice from his teammate.

Was there a point in feeling so touched over being told what eye drops to buy? Sakusa didn't even say anything special. Yet it wasn't the first time Hinata found himself reacting that way in the presence of his teammate.

After joining Japan's national team, Hinata felt as if he was seeing Sakusa for the first time. When they played on the MSBY Black Jackals together, Hinata didn't pay nearly as much attention to him as should have.

But things were different now that they both played for Japan. Something about Sakusa drew Hinata in the same way a child is drawn to something they've never seen before.

Sakusa Kiyoomi was a lot of things but the most interesting thing about him that Hinata noticed was his unwavering dedication. He was the type of person who couldn't leave anything half-finished. If Sakusa was going to be doing something then it would be done as perfectly as possible. Hinata respected that a lot especially when he noticed how that show on the court. 

Being on the same side of the net as Sakusa filled you with a sense of security since there was almost no ball he couldn't receive. It was reassuring to stand beside him since he was one of the few consistent factors on an ever-changing court.

A stinging pain in his eyes made Hinata falter in his steps. His vision blurred as a wave of nausea hit him that sent him reeling.

𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩? Hinata wondered as he groaned in pain.

Just when Hinata thought he couldn't take much more, the ache slowly died down until Hinata could regain his balance. Taking some deep breaths to calm himself, Hinata jogged the rest of the walk home to get there faster. After unlocking his door, he ran to the bathroom to gaze into the mirror.

Hinata's eyes were bloodshot which was unsurprising given the pain he was in earlier but something else stood out to him. His face looked ghastly pale as if someone had sucked the color out of him.

(Was he being too paranoid or were the roots of his hair a lighter shade of orange than usual?)

"What the hell..." he muttered while gazing at his sickly reflection.

Whatever was wrong with him seemed to be a lot more serious than allergies. His little sister, Natsu dealt with allergies every spring yet she never went through anything like this! Resolute on getting to the bottom of this, Hinata fished the eye drops out from his bag. He uncapped the small bottle and peered upwards, squeezing two drops into each eye. It instantly soothed the dry, itchy feeling he had been experiencing for the past few hours. 

The anxiety of being so suddenly puzzled with his health drove Hinata to text his friend and athletic trainer, Iwaizumi Hajime. If there was anyone who would need to know he was having health issues, it was Iwaizumi. 

[19:15]

𝘐𝘸𝘢-𝘴𝘢𝘯! 𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸? 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘚𝘩𝘪𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘺 (ーー;)

[19:16] Iwa-san

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯? 𝘜𝘴𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘭 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘤𝘬𝘶𝘱𝘴.

[19:17]

𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘺 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺. 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘰 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘭 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳.

[19:17] Iwa-san

𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘰𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺.

Hinata set his phone on the bathroom counter and sighed deeply. Iwaizumi would be concerned but Hinata didn't think he could alleviate that worry until they figured out what was wrong with him.

In the meantime, Hinata turned on the faucet to fill his tub for a bath. He also threw in a bath bomb a fan had given to him from the last fan event the team had. They said they wanted Hinata to have it since it reminded them of him. The water slowly changed color and the bathroom was filled with the scent of orange lemonade, according to the packaging. 

It was a sweet smell that reminded Hinata of his hot, summer days in Brazil, it made sense the fan wanted to give this to him. A sudden 𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨! from his phone grabbed his attention.

[19:25] Iwa-san

𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘧𝘢𝘷𝘰𝘳, 𝘴𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘚𝘩𝘪𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘛𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘥𝘢𝘺.

A day from now? Iwaizumi sure worked fast.

[19:25] 

𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰 𝘧𝘢𝘴𝘵! 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘩 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘰𝘯! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

With the tub now full, Hinata stripped and slowly sank into the warm water. It relaxed his tired muscles, involuntarily making him sigh in relief. Would Sakusa be enjoying a hot bath right now too? Hinata couldn't help but wonder if Sakusa was into bath bombs as well. The ache in his eyes returned slightly making Hinata shake his head. He closed his eyes and dunked his head underwater.

He had more important things to worry about.

»»————- ✼ ————-««

Since there was a day until his doctor's appointment, Hinata deiced to go about his routine normally. 𝘑𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘢 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸 was all he thought as he left his apartment Wednesday morning.

But Hinata didn't realize at the time just how serious things were going to get.

When he arrived at practice that morning, Iwaizumi briefly stopped him on his way to the locker rooms. He had always been a man of few words, which meant he always got straight to the point.

"You know we have a game next week as well as that big party in a few weeks?" Of course, Hinata knew about these events. He had even bought a new suit since this party was supposed to be a big event with all sorts of national players and sponsors attending.

"Don't worry, whatever this is won't affect me on the court." Though if he was being honest, Hinata wasn't sure if he could even make a promise like that.

"As long as you're sure." Iwaizumi patted him on the shoulder and went walking down the hall, presumably to his office. For someone who was only an athletic trainer, he was vocal about what they did during practice. His feedback was appreciated though, his knowledge of volleyball had come in handy multiple times to help form strategies.

After that encounter with Iwaizumi, practice went smoothly. Hinata enjoyed morning practices, the sunlight that occasionally streamed in from the high rising gym windows reminded the redhead of the hot beaches of Brazil. For a while, Hinata had completely forgotten about his newfound problems and lost himself in the motions of playing volleyball. He felt at peace, at least until they started 2v2 drills.

They randomly split into pairs and by sheer luck, Hinata ended up with Sakusa. They were going up against Kageyama and Bokuto, a pair that worked well together despite their contrasting personalities. Kageyama served the ball but Sakusa was there to cleanly receive it, irking the other man to no end. It was hard to send any ball over the net with Sakusa on the other side ready to receive it.

With all the speed and grace of a seasoned pro, Hinata dashed across the court to set the ball high into the air for Sakusa. The black-haired man liked his tosses high and close to the net to give him a small window of maneuverability. The fleeting thought that Sakusa was shooting star crossed Hinata's mind as he watched the other man gracefully leap into the air to make a perfect cross-shot. The ball easily sliced its way through Kageyama and Bokuto's block, making Sakusa smirk.

A nearby assistant updated the scoreboard, Hinata and Sakusa pulling ahead with two more points in their favor. Bokuto excitedly ran to receive their lost ball, undoubtedly fired up after seeing Sakusa's precise shot.

(And if Hinata's chest swelled with pride seeing Kageyama so annoyed that Sakusa bested him so easily, he didn't comment on it.)

Sakusa turned towards Hinata, expectantly, his right hand raised in the air with a hint of visible enthusiasm in his eyes.

"Hinata." 

His voice curled around Hinata's name with all the sweetness of a summer breeze, giving the man in question shivers. Eagerly not wanting to waste the rare chance of Sakusa initiating skinship, the redhead practically skipped toward him.

(Blissfully unaware of the effect his excited smile had on his teammate.)

When their hands slapped against each other, Hinata was only momentarily ecstatic before debilitating pain hit his eyes. It was so blindingly excruciating that Hinata's vision practically went white, making him stumble forward. With their proximity, Sakusa easily caught him but being flush against the other man only worsened Hinata's agony.

In his panic, Hinata shoved his friend away from him, scurrying away so quickly you'd think he was burned. The few feet between them easily lessened his pain, allowing the shorter man a moment's reprieve to breathe properly. 

Slack-jawed shock was such a foreign expression on the usually stoic man though he quickly composed himself. Sakusa's usual exterior was back up in an instant, making him seemingly unapproachable and cold once more. But Hinata was no fool, with the distance between them and his mind clear he could see all that Sakusa tried to hide in his body language.

His face seemed calm but he slightly angled his shoulders away from Hinata, almost as if he was apologizing for crossing an unforeseen boundary. The slim fingers he used so powerfully mere moments ago were pinned to his sides, twitching apprehensively as if rejecting the desire to reach out.

"Are you...okay?" The words were hesitant, the air thick with questions that wouldn't be answered. 

Hinata opened his mouth to reply, (I'm sorry, don't look at me like that. I don't know what's wrong with me but it'll never be you.), but the loud sound of whistles ringing signaled that practice was over, effectively cutting him off.

Bokuto excitedly telling Kageyama about a new flavor of onigiri that he needed to try cut the tension between the two men. Sakusa stiffly said a goodbye that fell deaf on Hinata's ears. He turned around to presumably grab his jacket from the bench but Hinata didn't miss the way he clenched his jaw as he walked away.

Guilt hit Hinata so hard he felt as if he'd been doused in water. A hand suddenly grasped his shoulder, forcing clarity into his system.

"Come on, Sho-kun, we're all getting lunch at Onigiri Miya today." The sudden presence of Atsumu reminded the redhead that he was still in the gym, starting after traces of a silhouette that had long since left. 

"All right! It kinda sucks I couldn't finish my match with Kageyama though." A fake smile and a faker excuse put up to mask the panic of what was happening to him.

Atsumu rolled his eyes, "Don't sweat the small stuff! You and Omi-kun practically won that match." His friend's insistent hands pulled Hinata out of the gym yet he couldn't stop mulling over how he'd hurt Sakusa's feelings.

(That night, Hinata stayed in the bath until he was shivering in freezing water. Experiencing waves of pain so horrible he could only cling to his knees and groan in pain. Was it because he briefly touched Sakusa before? Or was it because his guilt was eating him alive?)

»»————- ✼ ————-««

At practice the next day, Hinata avoided Sakusa like the plague. It was hard to do since they were on a team together but he made it work. Now usually, Hinata Shoyo wasn't the type to shrink away from social interaction. He was straightforward and almost unintentionally pushy at times, so he was acting out of character.

Yet Hinata found himself unable to even look his teammate in the eye out of fear for the potential pain he could experience. It didn't make much sense now, but the redhead knew his friend was connected to his eye problem somehow.

During a break halfway through practice, Hinata ran back to the locker room because he had forgotten his water bottle. For some reason, he was a bit thirstier than usual today. Slowly patting his sweaty face dry with the towel around his neck, he scanned the neat rows of lockers for his own. 

He had been calmly walking when smooth, slender fingers grasped his shoulders and pushed him against the lockers. His body reacted before his brain could, his cheeks already warming in response to his love interest. The taller man let go quickly, opting to place his hands on either side of Hinata's head.

𝘐'𝘮 𝘣𝘰𝘹𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯, he realized nervously.

A dull ache already started to build in his eyes as his teammate scowled down at him, something he usually saved for Atsumu.

"Why are you avoiding me?" he practically hissed, frustration evident in his every syllable. Hinata averted his eyes, struggling to think of a good excuse but Sakusa beat him to the punch.

"We aren't usually like this. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 aren't usually like this..." Sakusa's voice faded out slightly near the end of his sentence.

"Sakusa-san, I-"

The black-haired man clenched his fists, quieting Hinata instantly.

"I'm not 'Omi-san' to you anymore?" Though Sakusa was usually reserved with his feelings, hurt shimmered sadly in his eyes. Regret quickly pooled in Hinata's stomach as the ache in his eyes only worsened.

(He didn't know what to say to make things better. He didn't know how to erase the hurt look in Sakusa's eyes. All he could focus on was the pain in his own eyes and the relationship crumbling in front of him.)

"Oh, there you guys are!" called the boisterous voice of Bokuto, his trademark grin in place. "Coach said to find you two since we're discussing strategy now but..."

The cheery man noted their proximity and tense atmosphere, "What's going on?"

Sakusa lowered his hands and briskly walked away from Hinata. He briefly paused by Bokuto, throwing a wayward glance in Hinata's direction.

"Nothing seems to be going on after all."

(Sakusa turned around quickly so he missed the way the shorter man flinched as if he'd been slapped. 𝘕𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨'𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯? Why did Hinata feel as if that implied a lot more than it should have?)

His voice was so passive, you'd think he was talking about the weather. When he looked at Hinata, his eyes held no trace of the fervent emotions from before. Bokuto looked at Hinata expectantly, clearly expecting him to follow after Sakusa.

"Um, I'll catch up with you guys. I forgot something." he dejected replied.

Bokuto nodded and quietly walked away, clearly taking the hint. With his personality, you would think he'd question the encounter he witnessed but he was a lot more emotionally intelligent than he let on.

Hinata sighed, leaning his head against his locker as he fiddled with the lock. He grabbed the water bottle he originally came for when a soft jingling noise caught his attention. It was similar to the sound of a bell that would hang around a housecat's neck.

The confused man checked his phone but there were no new notifications and there weren't any cats in the locker room. For a brief moment, Hinata thought he imaged the sound until he noticed his reflection in his locker's mirror. A tear streak ran down his cheek but what should have been a translucent tear, left vivid colors on his face. 

Hinata rubbed his face with an extra towel in his locker, ignoring the rainbow-colored stains decorating the plain towel like paint on a canvas. It was odd but the ache in his eyes went away once he started to cry. Could he even call this crying? It wasn't normal to have colorful tears...

No, there was no time for this. People were expecting him so he didn't have time to worry about whatever this meant. The only thing that mattered was that the pain was gone and he could focus on practice.

»»————- ✼ ————-««

Luckily for Hinata practice wrapped up early in the afternoon, which left him with plenty of time to meet Shirabu. The redhead was practically a bundle of anxiety, desperate to find out what was wrong with him. He practically jumped out of his seat in the waiting room when the secretary called his name. 

She escorted him to the room he'd be examined in before leaving. "Dr. Shirabu will be here shortly."

Hinata quietly looked around the room filled with too many books on medical topics too advanced for him. One thing that stood out to him was a small blue cactus in between two books. Could cacti even come in blue? Hinata wasn't sure but the door opened before he could inspect it further.

Shirabu Kenjirou was a Shiratorizawa alumnus that had gone on to become a doctor that owned a clinic. He had grown a lot compared to how he used to be when Hinata played against him in high school. An air of maturity and professionalism permeated the air wherever he went but that didn't stop him from breaking into a small smile when he saw Hinata. They had become good friends since Shirabu was close with Iwaizumi, surprisingly. There had been multiple times where they'd all go out for drinks together.

"You can imagine my confusion when Iwaizumi cashed in a favor just to get me to meet with you on such short notice." He calmly walked over to the sink and began washing his hands.

"Well there's sort of an emergency," Hinata replied.

A frown marred his face, "Tell me everything."

So Hinata did. He told his friend about itchy eyes that morphed into excruciating eye pains and even about the odd colorful tears he cried earlier. Shirabu listened attentively with furrowed brows, gears turning in his head to form a diagnosis. 

When Hinata finished explaining, Shirabu grabbed some sort of slim tool with a flashlight at the end of it. He stood in front of Hinata and said, "Please look up at the ceiling without moving your head."

Hinata complied and Shirabu carefully shined the light in each of his eyes. When he allowed Hinata to relax, his expression was grim.

"I'll explain this carefully since what you have is still highly under-researched and therefore almost unheard of. Based on the shimmery coating on your eyes, and what you told me you most likely have Star tear disease."

Hinata could only tilt his head in confusion, "I'm sorry, what?"

Shirabu filled in as many details as he could about this newly found illness. Star Tear Disease first appeared in France but soon, other cases quickly started to appear around the world. It was the first illness in the world to ever be caused by something as fickle as unrequited love. When feelings of unrequited love grew strong enough, it caused a tumor to develop inside the eye that slowly dehydrated the body until eventual death.

The tumor affected tear glands in a way that made tears colorful but it was still unclear why the tears had color in the first place. As the disease worsened, the victim would suffer from memory loss, hallucinations, and even colorblindness. There were no cures that a doctor could prescribe since the only way to rid yourself of this ailment was to have your feelings returned.

It wasn't something that you were guaranteed to develop since it all depended on the power of the feelings. Which, Hinata thought bitterly, made perfect sense for him. He had always been the type to throw himself into things completely. In volleyball, that meant pushing his body to its limits all in the name of improving himself. In love, that meant devoting his soul to a love that had a slim chance of working out.

"Hinata?" a voice piped up suddenly, reminding Hinata that even though it felt like his world was falling apart beneath him he was still very much in the doctor's office.

"Sorry, this just a lot to take in. That doesn't explain why my eyes were hurting so much around..." he didn't finish his sentence, not wanting to see Shirabu's reaction to knowing who stole Hinata's heart.

(Though Shirabu was oftentimes calm, the hotheaded streak in him hadn't quite disappeared. Who knew if his friend would come to dislike Sakusa just because of the complicated situation Hinata found himself in?)

Seemingly understanding what he meant Shirabu continued, "When the tumor is still developing, it is in a very fragile stage. Since the tumor is intertwined with something as inconsistent as emotion, it is very difficult for it to form easily. Of course, this all depends on your feelings for this person. In the few cases I've heard of, those pains are usually due to your subconscious deciding to love this person at the cost of your body's wellbeing."

Shirabu paused and looked away from Hinata, his voice taking on a sadder tone. "This complex clash between mind and body causes the tumor to completely form. When those pains go away, it's a sign that you're only going to be crying star tears from this point forward."

The heaviness of Shirabu's words weighed down the atmosphere, crushing them both with the frustration of being so helpless.

The brunette eyed Hinata, "But it just gets worse from that point on..."

(Was it possible for Hinata's heart to get heavier?)

"The tears dehydrate the body very quickly which leads to increased water intake. However, that only increases tear production and speed of the symptoms. As time goes on, the increased tear output puts a strain on the body that will make you colorblind."

Shirabu clenched the ends of his white coat, tightly. It must have been painful for him to give such sad news to a friend.

"Once the victim becomes colorblind, the dehydration will only worsen until eventual death," he finished dismally. 

Shirabu grabbed Hinata's shoulders suddenly, panic evident in his teary eyes.

"But you're not gonna end up like that! I'll do everything I can to look into this." As serious as Shirabu was, Hinata could see the worry he tried to hide. Based on what he just said, they both knew there wouldn't be anything that anyone could do. So Hinata did the only thing he could in this situation. 

He gave Shirabu the biggest smile that he could muster and said, "Don't worry so much Shirabu! I'm okay with whatever happens to me since I've been lucky enough to make it this far."

Shirabu could only stare at Hinata in disbelief, not expecting such a positive response from his troubled friend.

(But what else could Hinata say? He wasn't foolish enough to think a cure would suddenly be created just because 𝘩𝘦 got this illness. So at the moment, he just wanted to do his best to comfort his worried friend.)

»»————- ✼ ————-««

Freshly showered and clothed, Hinata laid in bed that night unable to sleep. Though his body sank into his soft sheets comfortably, as much as his tired muscles whispered pleas for rest, Hinata could only stare at his ceiling. Fate must have disliked him to curse him with a disease such as this one.

Hinata was sure that Sakusa wouldn't reciprocate his feelings. There was just no doubt about it. Becoming friends with the other man had been hard enough but 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴?

Sakusa held a strong disregard for most people and, though they had become good friends in their years together, Hinata doubted he would ever be a love interest in Sakusa's eyes. It was the truth but Hinata had to admit that it stung. 

"But he never gets annoyed with me the way he does with anyone else..." Hinata said aloud, his words echoed off his walls reminding him of just how alone he was in this.

The thing Hinata disliked the most about this situation was how inexperienced he was with genuine love. Making friends and playing volleyball came naturally to him but love was something he had always pushed to the side. He had, embarrassingly enough, never been in a real relationship, or loved someone enough to want one.

(Of course, his late-night flings with Oikawa in Brazil didn't count. Nor did the countless sleepovers he spent with Kenma during the summertime in high school.)

Hinata knew how to have 𝘧𝘶𝘯 he just wasn't sure how to convey deeper emotions properly.

The tired man rubbed his achy eyes, sadly.

How would this affect his volleyball career? How long would he be able to keep this from his friends? Since Shirabu knew it wouldn't be long before Iwaizumi knew...

What would he do if he cried during a game? Dread pooled in Hinata's stomach just thinking about Sakusa finding out. That would make things even more complicated!

Hinata groaned in frustration and turned on his side, intent on forcing himself to fall asleep sometime before his alarm went off.

»»————- ✼ ————-««

"Damn, those are some horrible bags." Atsumu pointed out as soon as he saw Hinata in the morning. Way to state the obvious.

Hinata sighed as he began to change, "Yeah, I just had some trouble sleeping last night."

That wasn't necessarily a lie but it was an understatement. The sick man had been too anxious to fall asleep at all. Unable to stop thinking about the drastic change his life was about to go through.

Practice had been more tiring than usual due to Hinata's lack of sleep. He had been on edge all day, wondering when the tears would come or if he'd run into Sakusa. Though he was lucky to get through practice without any tears showing up, he wasn't so lucky with Sakusa.

During a break, the other man walked into the bathroom while Hinata was washing his hands. Unsure of how to start a conversation with the friend he'd been avoiding, Hinata merely stayed silent. He could feel Sakusa's eyes on him and wasn't surprised when the other man piped up.

"If you're going to avoid me, shouldn't I at least know why?"

That was fair and it only highlighted how unreasonable Hinata was being but he wasn't sure what to tell him.

"Sorry for avoiding you! I'm just terrified that you'll find out I have an incurable disease because I'm in love with you!"

...There was no way he could say that. So instead he settled for all he 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 say.

"It's complicated and I'm not sure how to explain everything to you."

A response like that would only strengthen Sakusa's curiosity but Hinata quickly scurried out of the bathroom. He could hear Sakusa sigh softly as the door shut behind him.

It was hard to stop feeling so guilty when his friend kept pressing for answers.

𝘐'𝘮 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘵, 𝘩𝘶𝘩?

Hinata was mad at himself but that quickly changed to panic when he felt his eyes start to well up with tears.

𝘕𝘰! 𝘕𝘰𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸!

Knowing the locker room was probably empty, Hinata ran to his locker as fast as he could. Fiddling with the lock took him a moment with tears blurring his vision but he managed. Like before, radiant multi-colored tears poured from his eyes. They were oddly beautiful even though they were a sign of his nearing death.

Yes...

He had to learn to accept this. Hinata would eventually lose everything he had ever held dear. The volleyball career he worked so hard for, the people he loved, the fans that adored him, the legacy he still wanted to leave behind.

No matter how much he wanted to hold onto everything it would all disappear through his fingers like smoke.

As much as Hinata wanted to move on, trying to get over Sakusa was something he just couldn't do. He knew he'd love him in this lifetime and every other one.

But if this affection was going to cost him so much without Hinata gaining anything in return it was almost unwanted.

»»————- ✼ ————-««

For the next few days Hinata struggled to get through practice. Shirabu wasn't kidding when he said that symptoms sped up after the tumor was fully formed. As hard as Hinata tried, it was nearly impossible to ignore how thirsty he was.

Not to mention the difficulty he went through hiding his tears from his teammates! It was so frustrating that the tears were colorful because he could've easily wiped them away and pretend they were sweat. For now, no one was 𝘵𝘰𝘰 suspicious but that would only last for so long.

It was dizzying to be on edge all the time. The mental pressure Hinata was under was almost worse than his deteriorating health. He had never liked lying but that felt like all he was doing these days.

More days passed by and Hinata started to have trouble remembering what day it was. Was their game tomorrow or was it the day after? Getting through practice was difficult but manageable since he could easily go to the bathroom.

But a five-set match with hundreds of people watching him in the stands? There would be no getting out of that unless he was benched or excused from the game completely. Hinata had no plan on letting either of those things happen, however, Iwaizumi didn't give him the choice. 

Iwaizumi showed up at Hinata's place, unannounced, with drinks and snacks in hand.

(Coincidentally, all of Hinata's favorite snacks from the convenience store.)

"Got time for an old friend?" He smiled that comforting smile of his that was genuine enough to calm anyone. Hinata already knew something was wrong but he let him in regardless.

They made themselves comfortable in Hinata's living room. Iwaizumi laid the snacks on the table and handed Hinata an already opened beer can. They snacked and talked about nothing important but Hinata wasn't foolish enough to not realize what his friend was doing. Iwaizumi was building up a peaceful atmosphere to soften the blow of whatever he came to tell Hinata.

Maybe before he got sick he would've humored him but these days his patience quickly ran thin.

"I should've invited Shirabu! It's been a while since the three of us all got drinks together." he seemed too happy, too joyful.

"Iwa-san, what are you here for?"

And just like that the atmosphere changed, an uncomfortable tension slowly filling the room.

His friend sighed, put his bear on the table, and looked at Hinata.

"I had a long discussion with Shirabu about your illness." Unsurprising. Hinata knew there was more to this.

"And?" he probed him gently, hoping the other man would get to the point.

Iwaizumi's face turned more serious, he seemed to finally understand Hinata's impatience. 

"I've been monitoring you during practices for a while and, after a long discussion with Coach, we decided to bench you."

For a moment Hinata's mind was blank, stunned into complete silence and unable to even comprehend the words he just heard.

𝘉𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥? 𝘏𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘢?

"There has to be some sort of mistake, this can't be happening!" He hadn't been benched since high school when he collapsed during nationals with a fever. He was supposed to be passed that. He spent years taking care of himself so why?

(Why, why, why, why, why? He was supposed to be better. He wasn't supposed to get this sick. This wasn't supposed to happen to him so why?)

His friend cringed, maybe Hinata's devastation was showing too honestly on his face. "Benched is too gentle of a word. You're not allowed to be on standby at all. I'm sorry, Hinata."

Iwaizumi was apologetic but there was a hint of sorrow in his eyes. He must have been sad to give someone so passionate about volleyball such sad news.

(Or was that pity in his eyes? Was he apologetic? No, of course not. It was a front, a lie. He would probably walk out of Hinata's apartment and laugh at him for being such a pitiful man.)

Feeling his face flush angrily, Hinata looked away from Iwaizumi. "I think you should leave, Iwa-san."

There was clear hesitation in the other man's face but he nodded and cleaned up the food he brought with him. He made his way to the door and Hinata followed after him.

"Things won't be like this forever, okay? You just need a little break until you get back on your feet." Though those words were meant to offer Hinata some comfort, they left a bittersweet taste in his mouth.

Before he could think, his mouth moved ahead of him. "Did you even talk with Shirabu?"

Iwaizumi's brows furrowed, "Of course, I did. Why would yo-"

"Then if you fucking talked to him, why would you tell me things will get better?" It was rare for Hinata to curse at another person, especially at one of his friends. The only person he ever really bickered with was Kageyama and even then, those weren't serious.

But right now he couldn't stop thinking about the tears itching to pour from his eyes and the first sign of his career falling apart.

Iwaizumi also seemed surprised, unaccustomed to such aggression from Hinata. "Things 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 be better. Shirabu and I are doing everything we can for you. Everyone won't let you die from something like this."

"Everyone? Who else did you tell?" Hinata grabbed Iwaizumi's jacket, terrified that someone else knew about this. What if Sakusa found out?

(If he found out he would cringe. He would laugh. He would be disgusted. But he would never, ever, ever reciprocate.)

"I didn't tell anyone else, Hinata." One would've expected Iwaizumi to push Hinata away or even leave but instead, he used one arm to bring Hinata into a hug. It shocked Hinata for a moment and his irrational actions finally sunk in.

"You must be struggling with this a lot more than you've let on, right? I can't say anything to make you feel better but I can offer support."

Hinata didn't know how to apologize for what he was becoming but, at that moment, it felt nice for someone to realize how much he was struggling.

»»————- ✼ ————-««

Since Hinata was missing a game and multiple practices, he got a variety of messages from his friends that he ignored. Some of them even tried visiting his apartment but he didn't answer the door either. He completely isolated himself from everyone because he slowly felt like he was losing himself.

The more time passed, the more Hinata only thought about keeping his secret. He was too worried about running into anyone so he had his groceries delivered to him. Not like it mattered too much anyway since he hardly had the energy to cook proper meals anymore. On most days, he stayed in his bed with an abundance of waters and juices by his side.

Several parts of his sheets had been dyed a variety of colors from the number of tears he cried all the time. No matter how much he drank, the thirstiness truly never went away. It was almost like his body wasn't directing the water he drank to the right places. As annoying as that was, 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 was worse than the hallucinations.

There had been too many times where he'd seen Sakusa taunting him for all sorts of things. He'd hear laughter bouncing off his walls, closing in on him, and reminding him just how sad his situation was. There had even been a few times where he had seen Kageyama tell him he was going on ahead. His only reprieve from the suffering he went through while he was awake, was the beautiful dreams he had while he slept.

Perhaps it was a side effect of the hallucinations, but his mind conjured beautiful scenarios where he never got sick and he could still play volleyball. He hung out with his friends, went to fan events, and lived a life just as peacefully as before. The one exception was that he did it all by Sakusa's side.

Hinata found himself not wanting to wake up on most days since his dreams were so pleasant.

(But 𝘯𝘰𝘯𝘦 of it was real. That's why it was a dream, it was all too good for pitiful Hinata Shoyo.)

The number of times he cried during the day had increased to a point where he couldn't even keep track anymore. It devasted him but colors were nowhere near as vibrant as before either. Hinata knew it was only a matter of time before he went colorblind.

(It could be in a week, it could be tomorrow, it could be the next time he woke up after escaping into a dream. It was coming, it was so close. He was so close to escaping all of this. Just a little longer. 𝘑𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳.)

𝘉𝘢𝘯𝘨! 𝘉𝘢𝘯𝘨! 𝘉𝘢𝘯𝘨!

The sudden loud noise made Hinata sit upright instantly. 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯? He was so dizzy his vision blurred as he tried to stand up. It took him a moment to come to his senses and the banging resumed. Hinata took a long sip from a water bottle that was on his nightstand and breathed in deeply.

The banging was coming from his door, someone wanting to get in. Usually, he would've ignored it but with how hard this person was knocking it wouldn't be easy to just go to sleep. It didn't sound like Bokuto, Atsumu, or Kageyama and they were the only people Hinata could think of that would knock on his door so hard.

He slowly walked to the door, careful not to make any noise that might alert the person outside. Hinata looked through the peephole and stumbled the moment he realized who it was.

Uncontrollable tears poured from his eyes while Sakusa Kiyoomi stood outside his door with a mission to get inside. 𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦?

Just like their other teammates, Sakusa had texted Hinata a few times but he was the first person to stop checking in on the redhead. Hinata was almost positive that he was moving on and trying to forget that a man named Hinata Shoyo had even been his friend.

"I heard whatever you dropped and I know you haven't been leaving the house. Let me in, Hinata." Sakusa called from the other side of the door.

But he couldn't let him in! That was the worst thing he could do!

"If you don't let me in, I'm coming in myself. I have an extra key."

(Could his landlord have been so concerned for him that he easily gave a friend a key to his apartment?)

Hinata could only stare incredulously at the door. He thought that was impossible but he heard a key being inserted into the door. Not knowing how else he could hide his tears from Sakusa, he did the only thing he could think to do.

As the door slowly unlocked, Hinata used up all the strength he had to run into his bedroom and close the door. He heard the door open and knot formed in his throat.

"Parden the intrusion," was all Sakusa said as his footsteps slowly approached the bedroom door. He gripped the doorknob and pushed slightly, sending so much panic into Hinata it was like the air left his lungs.

"No, no, no! Please don't come in!"

The desperation in his voice must have made Sakusa pause because the door stopped immediately. A sob escaped Hinata as he tried his best to ignore how weak he felt to think of a way out of this. He had been one of the most adaptable players in the world, what happened to him?

(But he knew what happened. He couldn't ignore the elephant in the room. He was ruined, a ghost of his former self. The power and versatility he used to have that reminded people of the sun had faded into nothing but a faint glimmer of what it used to be. He was nothing now.)

"I tried listening to you but I haven't gotten any answers that way. Forgive me for it later."

Hinata pulled his knees to his chest and buried his head in them, the last-ditch effort to cover his face. Sakusa crouched down in front of him but Hinata couldn't bring himself to look at him. He flinched when Sakusa placed his hands on either side of his head, gently urging him to look at him.

"Shoyo, breathe. It's okay, just look at me." His voice was so sweet, so 𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 that this couldn't possibly be real. Yes, of course, why didn't he realize sooner? This was a hallucination! None of this was real! 

(The real Sakusa would never touch him so lovingly.)

Hands raised his head and Hinata looked into Sakusa's eyes. He was wearing a suit and his hair was slicked back as if he was prepared to go to an important event. Hinata didn't want this to be real but the worry in Sakusa's eyes made him pause.

(Was he dressed this way because of the big party the team was supposed to attend? Then why was he in Hinata's apartment instead of where he was supposed to be?)

This 𝘸𝘢𝘴 a hallucination, right?

Sakusa used one of his fingers to wipe at a tear that ran down Hinata's cheek. He stared at the color that now stained his finger in wonder.

"Beautiful.." He muttered to himself before looking back at Hinata once again.

"Just what are you sick with?" His lips were so close, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 were so close. The feeling of his hands on Hinata's cheeks was intoxicating, it was the most human contact Hinata had in who knows how long.

"Star Tear Disease... it's caused by unrequited love." he answered easily, simply enjoying the warmth from being so close to another person.

"Who are you in love with, Shoyo?" There was a knowing glint in his eye, almost like he looked into Hinata's soul and knew every little thing that had ever bothered him. The corner of Sakusa's mouth curled slightly and Hinata was sure that was prettier than any tear that would ever fall from his eyes.

"You."

But Sakusa's face didn't change, almost like he was expecting Hinata to say that.

"You're a complete fool, you know." 

Hinata's mind felt clear, clearer than it had been in weeks. A part of him knew that this wasn't a hallucination, after all.

"Isn't it foolish to delude yourself into developing such a rare disease when you could've simply tried confessing?"

Easy for him to say, Sakusa must not realize just how unapproachable he is.

"It's not easy telling you something like that."

"Why not?" Did Hinata imagine the teasing lilt in his voice?

"You don't seem like the type that's interested in romance."

A pause, a head tilted in thought, and finally, a soft chuckle that made Hinata feel warm.

"Do you think I'd go this far for someone I consider a friend? I'm supposed to be at a party right now, you know."

Oh.

𝘖𝘩.

Maybe Hinata Shoyo was a fool, after all. It seemed ridiculous that he had never considered that before.

"But the tears... they won't stop.."

And Sakusa laughed, a real genuine laugh that Hinata had never once heard before.

"But, Shoyo, you stopped crying ages ago." 

Sakusa rested his head on Hinata's and placed a gentle kiss in his hair.

"What am I gonna do with you? You're like a child that can't be left by themselves."

"Why am I in love with you again?"

Sakusa lifted his head and flicked Hinata on the forehead. "Brat."

And Hinata smiled, noticing that his thirstiness was finally gone.

(Things weren't completely okay and there was still a lot of things he needed to do but now it was certain that there was a future he could hope for.)

**Author's Note:**

> in case anyone was wondering the main points to cover for this au are:  
> \- star tears are caused by unrequited love  
> \- sound is accompanied by the tears  
> \- if the symptoms are severe you can go colorblind/suffer from memory loss  
> \- star tears have color/shine when they fall  
> \- best way to heal from star tear disease is to have your feelings returned
> 
> since these were the main ideas for this au I saw in a tweet I came up with my own headcanons to make this disease more deadly!! (like the tumor stuff, having hallucinations, & death from dehydration ahehehe) i hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading! leave a comment telling me what you think <3


End file.
